A friend of mine shared this with me on Facebook and I just had to laugh at how true it is!!

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!


Lesson 1


1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.



Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.



Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.



Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?



Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.



Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.



Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.



Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.



Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.



Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.



Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

It's Christmas week! My mom and I made cookies all weekend. On Saturday we made 4 dozen gingerbread cookies. The boys had a really good time rolling them out and decorating them. On Sunday we made 6 dozen sour cream cookies. On Friday I had made toffee, glass candy, fudge, and peppermint bark. So needless to say I have enough sweets!

I started cleaning my house over the weekend and it is really very obvious what has been neglected since school started. I don't know if there is enough time to get my house in shape before my company arrives! Good thing they are only coming to see my kids!

They boys only have 3 days of school this week. They have made me painfully aware that there are presents under the tree that they want to open. Everyday Logan asks if he can open them. Today they got to open two. Debbie's co-worker had gifts for them that I let them open. Then they got to open one from Jeanette and Dave because the rule in our house has always been that the packages that come from aunts and uncles who aren't going to be with us  for Christmas are fair game to open on the day they come.

Can't wait to see all of my families!

Here are a few pictures from the boys Christmas program.

I am done with class! I am so excited have a month off! I did manage to lose my voice today, so my finial presentation tonight was pretty short. My teacher was very nice and understanding.

My brother made it back home yesterday. It is nice to have him here. I spent most of the day with him helping him make sure he has everything in order for when he starts school.

The boys have their  program at church tomorrow night. I will try to record some and post it on here!

I am feeling a little anxious tonight. Instead of working on my paper this morning while the twins were at school I decided to go to my dentist appointment, the grocery store and Target. I don't know what I was thinking, a six page paper isn't going to write itself! I did finally decide on a topic the other day and wrote about 3/4 of a page, still a long way to go yet! I guess I will be getting up early tomorrow and going straight to school after the twins get on the bus. I can get about 1 hour in before class!

I took the twins to their school today for a cookie in a jar party. The kids were able to measure out the dry ingredients for cookies and layered them in a jar. They really had fun making them and when the teacher asked them who they were going to give them to Brenden said Grandpa Scott and Logan said he was keeping it for himself! So I promised him we would make cookies this weekend!

I bought the last of my Christmas presents today. I am happy about that, but I haven't wrapped one yet, Not so happy about that! All 3 boys are going with Scott and Debbie this weekend to a movie, so Tim and I will be having bonding time while wrapping presents this weekend!

I had a meeting with Layne's teachers today and we figured out a way for him to qualify for extra help. I am very happy about that. They will start working with him right away. We have to meet with this teachers again next week to make an IEP (Individual Education Plan).

I have exactly one week left of this semester!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!

I had to take a test today to get into the education program. It's kinda funny that I am taking it now considering I am already in the program anyway, it is a three part test, Reading, Math and Writing. I was super nervous to take it because of the math portion. Well, I got to the testing center at 8:30 and left the center at 12:15, I didn't realize it was such a long test. But I passed the Math and Reading sections! The writing portion has to be sent in to be graded and I will find out in 2 weeks if I passed, but I feel pretty confident. I am so glad that it is over and now I can focus on my last big project of the year, a 6-8 page paper for my mythology class.

They boys are enjoying the snow. They play outside for as long as their checks will allow! They can't wait for Christmas, they think that they need every toy that show up on a commercial. Tim and I can't wait for Christmas to be over so the toy commercials will slow down!